Intrusive thoughts

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts. It’s part of my condition but they don’t get any easier, you just learn to cope with them in your own way. The one thing I hate about them among many things is that you have a bad thought so you try to accept it and move on in your mind, but because you are trying to move on your brain adds a little detail or embelishes the original thought to make it worse, so that it is harder to shift. This goes on until your brain can’t think of anything else and then it switches to a different bad thought all together. I had one particular one this morning. I saw the knives lined up on the magnetic strip on the wall and thought about cutting the tips of my fingers off with them. This was horrible enough but it escalated to cutting the skin and pealing it off my hand like an orange. I am now avoiding the kitchen.
These thoughts can be about literally anything, real or imaginary so the ammo the brain has to use at its disposal are limited only by your imagination. That’s why they are so powerful. Distraction works to a degree but these thoughts can hit you even when you are doing the most distracting of tasks or activities. I’ve considered trying to write them down but as I’m writing I’m thinking of more at the same time. I don’t think I’d stop writing if I started. Plus I don’t think I want a book of my nightmares.
As I said previously, you just learn to live with them after a while, you can dismiss some of them quite easily, whereas others seem to stick in the throat. I wish I had the answer but I don’t. You just have to keep going.

I hope you are all well x


5 thoughts on “Intrusive thoughts

  1. I hate, hate, hate them!!
    My current ‘obsession’ appears to be sticking around for the time being! It eases up a bit when I manage to relax (usually with a little alcohol) or if I’m occupied with something else, but as soon as my mind is idle it’s back!!
    Ah well, no doubt it will sod off soon and something else will take its place!
    Look after yourself, and thank you for helping me realise that I’m not alone 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Intrusive thoughts are the worst! Thank you for speaking out about them. I’ve just done a blog post on how therapy has taught me that I’m not my intrusive thoughts. Remember you’re not a bad person for thinking these things. Wishing you luck in your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

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