Sometimes I feel like a failure. I see other people my age that have their shit together and I envy that. At school my teachers used to say that I was coasting through life, I still am. Just drifting along in my own bubble. My psychiatrists say that I won’t be able to work because due to my condition I am unable to guarantee good attendance and that makes me unreliable as well as any stress pushing me over the edge of a cliff makes me vulnerable. This makes me feel like a failure. I’m determined that in the future I will work again, it won’t be easy but I have to cling to the hope of having a normal life. It’s all I have.
The thing is about feeling a failure is that we don’t tend to consider the little successes. We just ignore them and concentrate on the big stuff. Just this morning for example, I got out of bed, had a wash, brushed my teeth, got dressed and went downstairs, even though I feel awful. This is a success. A mini victory. I ate something that was healthy, another small victory. It’s the little things that we need to focus on, the stuff other people may take for granted, that should be our goals. Big elaborate plans have their place but not when we are too ill to follow them through, this just sets us up for failure. Instead the little things give us a step up towards those bigger goals.
It’s also fair to say that even if we stay in bed all day, we’ve accomplished something, we could say that we have practised some self care that day, instead of berating ourselves for not doing anything meaningful. Who says our lives should always be meaningful anyway? Those ridiculous quotes we see on a serene background plastered all over social media, making us believe that all our ills could be mended if we just think postively. Off you fuck. What we need is to acknowledge that we will from time to time need to have days that are just about nothing. That we need to have days that nothing gets done and that’s perfectly ok. Nobody has a rule book about how best to live a life, life is hard work especially for those of us with mental ill health and getting through the day is the main thing, however you choose to do it. No failures here.
Hope you are all well xxx