It’s 6 in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ve come downstairs and made a cup of tea. I do this from time to time. I enjoy the quiet and the solitude. Usually it’s a bit earlier than this when I get up, 4-4.30 but this suits me just fine.

Things are hard at the moment. I’m trying to find light in the situation, trying to find the positives. Every day I wake up hoping that my eye is mysteriously better, but it hasn’t happened yet. I’m getting used to being careful in case I bump into things which I suppose is a plus. My meds make me so sleepy that I find it difficult to function, but they do make me calmer so mixed blessings there.

When everything seems to be going wrong it makes you wonder what you did to deserve it. The truth is I’m just unlucky, but it doesn’t stop me thinking I’ve been a bad person and this is my punishment. I wish I believed in a God so at least I’d have someone to blame.


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