Alone follow up

Following on from a previous post I wrote called Alone….

Ever since I can remember I have always been a loner, just a handful of friends I see once in a while. I’ve been happy with that until fairly recently. For the last few months I have craved an intimacy with the friends I have that I haven’t really required before. It’s a strange sensation to have when you’ve never been like that before. Thing is the last thing I want is to become too high maintenance, you know? Too needy. That isn’t really me, but I know I need to sort this out. So I have opened up to a couple more people about how things really are, people I feel I can totally trust, and so far so peachy. I haven’t experienced the judgement or rejection I’m so terrified of. The next thing is meeting these people on occasions other than drunk on a Saturday night. Trouble is I’m too chicken shit to approach then about this. Somewhere in my guts I feel this maybe overstepping. Even though my brain is saying this is what people do every single day with their friends. It’s just my total mistrust of people that’s the issue. I know things won’t get better if I don’t take a risk with it, but I also know that being rejected might cause some serious damage being so fragile at the moment. I guess there’s only so much courage left in me at the moment.

Listening to:

Craig Armstrong with Bono- Stay

Lamb – Gorecki

Lamb – Gabriel

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