A particular kind of crazy

Today I am isolating. I know it’s not healthy, I know it’s because I am particularly unwell today, I know the logical reasons behind it. I’m doing it anyway. I’m disassociated. It’s like watching the world from spirit. I’m in pain. Self harm comes from a desperate need to feel anything different from what you are currently experiencing, it’s funny I remember the classic parent line “If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about” How true that is now. The truth is I’d give anything to stop this now. For some magic pill. Instead, I isolate, only today it’s all like a dream. Nothing matters today. I wish I knew more BPD people, just one would do. Someone who knew the intensity, who knew the intensity of a life lived with this particular brand of crazy.

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