Day centre

I took a big step in my recovery process yesterday. Unbeknownst to me the local mental health team provide respite care at a day centre near to me. They provide activities of all different kinds such as woodwork, arts and crafts, games, cooking, as well as vocational help and relaxation. It’s a place I can go to get away from my house for a few hours and meet other people who have similar issues to me as well as people who have different mental health concerns.
I went to visit and have a look around yesterday with my CPN. I met the kind and friendly staff who showed me around the facilities. I was so scared I can’t begin to tell you how anxious I was about it, but everyone there gave me a smile and a friendly hello or a wave which really helped.
What it did make me realise after being there for a while was that I needed this. I feel a lot of shame even now about my conditions, I feel, not good enough, or somehow deficient by societies standards. The doors to the day centre are secure, it has an intercom you have to use to gain entry. All the units and places that Ive been with my mental health have these measures, and it has always made me wonder whether we are protected from the outside world, or whether the outside world is being protected from us. I don’t like to ponder on it too long.
I think the biggest step I climbed yesterday was admitting that I need a facility like this. I was reluctant when it was first mentioned, mainly because my pride wants me to believe I’m not sick enough to need it, but the fear I felt going there by myself made it more believable.
Little steps.

Listening to Harvest Moon by Neil Young

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