I moved in on Saturday this post doesn’t even mention it. Bugger.

This week’s blog has been rudely interrupted by the strangest of things. A busy Park Tav. Since I’ve been coming to this pub as a regular, I’ve been coming early. This helps with my anxiety about going out. I try to have a restful day and then take my time getting ready; that part is very important for me as the second I speed up the routine is the second I start to sweat. The more I sweat, the more I sweat, over and over and I’m not certain but if I don’t stop and chill I’m pretty sure I will melt away like the wicked witch of the west minus the fancy footwear. I’m not going to chance it, I quite like being solid.
Anxiety about going out is massive for some people, me included. I have to treat it like a military operation, with everything planned meticulously. The reason why I like to get here so early is for a couple of reasons. Firstly if I get here early, while it’s – usually – quiet, I can choose a seat I want; taking into consideration whether I have my back to a door (big no-no) and whether I’m far from the toilet (big no-no) Sitting in a chair I want to sit in makes me settle more quickly and gives my internal thermostat time to cool off before my friends arrive. Secondly I bring my earbuds and blast some music. It helps to centre myself in the space, by making me totally oblivious to what is going on.
If dear reader you were expecting coping tips that include breathing and mindfulness you have come to the wrong place I’m afraid. It’s just not in my repertoire. Don’t get me wrong these exercises have their place and some people get an awful lot out of them. I have tried CBT courses twice, a Radical Openness DBT course once, and mindfulness many, many times. They just aren’t for me. I was trying very hard each time and completed all of the courses, but I found that only very little pieces of them were useful and relevant to me and my brain.
I think it is super important to realise that just because it works for some, even most mentally poorly people; it doesn’t mean it works for everyone; and that realisation isn’t just for mentally well people to understand, but mentally ill people to understand too. If you head into any therapy open and ready to work there is a chance that therapy will work well for you, and there is also a chance that it won’t work well for you. Don’t lose heart. This is perfectly normal. There is no one size fits all therapy for getting well, just as there is no one medication that will improve everybody’s condition.
Anyway, I’m going to stick my earbuds in and drift away for a while. See you next week and if you enjoyed reading please share the shit out of my posts. Thanks ❤️

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