The One Where I Talk About My Thoughts On Loyalty

I just wanted to pop my head around the door and let you all know how therapy has been so far. I’ve had two sessions so far. The first one was mainly a get to know each other a bit and make a rough outline of what we are going to be working on.
Strangely, a revelation came quite soon when we figured out together that my main trigger point was loyalty. More specifically the lack of it, including when I only perceive a breach of trust. That last bit is really important. You see it may be bullshit that my ridiculous mind has invented, and that I, in a vulnerable state, readily accept as truth.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly not all bullshit. In fact even as I read this back to myself I am arguing the toss with the very loud part of my brain that refuses to believe it has ever been wrong. BUT it is wrong sometimes. It’s wrong when I’m alone at night with my thoughts. It’s wrong when I don’t get a reply immediately and always jump to that. It’s wrong when I’m already sad.
The truth is, I can never be 100% about it. I can’t know what people are thinking or saying every second of every hour, you get the picture. All I’m ever doing is making an educated guess, and the education I am using is one I was taught by people who really should have known better. I learned by the realities that I have faced.
I learned that when I don’t put faith in other people, I spend more time worrying about when they are going to screw me over than time I spend just enjoying people’s company.
We are going to work on this.

Thanks for reading and I’ll be back next week ☺️

One thought on “The One Where I Talk About My Thoughts On Loyalty

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