Self Esteem What’s That?

Sometimes, I have trouble looking in the mirror. Sometimes I wonder where I lost half of my life waiting for it to start. At school teachers would say I was ‘coasting’ through my education; I would say I never stopped. I have coasted through the days of my youth and nearing forty I am coasting into middle-age too. A perpetual time waster, I daydream myself towards oblivion.
Im not using this post to say that I am changing my ways, in my experience, as soon as you tell somebody about your plans, those plans change. Almost as if the accomplishment was just to share a desire.
No. What this post is, is me looking in the mirror and telling you what I see.
I have tried to change my image over the last few months. I have chopped my hair to within inches of its life, I have dyed it chocolate. I have started making an effort with make-up, trying to correct the flaws that make me recoil in horror every time I see them. I have tried to stop myself from bringing my sadness to my loved ones. Once you have glossed over the cracks a few times it gets easier.
Self esteem is a difficult thing to gain when you have never really had any. It’s learning to accept something that you don’t really believe at all. I’m hoping repetition has an impact.
I am a beautiful person
I am a beautiful person
I am a beautiful person……..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s