So guys, a little impromptu post on a sleepy Sunday night.
During my therapy sessions from the very beginning we speak about my state of mind at various times and in various conditions. We work on the idea that there are five cooking pots that are representative of my ability to cope. Pot one being calm, sitting happily on the stove to pot five where I am boiling over completely; and pots two, three and four in various stages between the two extremes. This is a very tidy metaphor that describes the steps from contented to breakdown very simply. Now obviously this is just meant to be a broad representation; it doesn’t include any specifics or details, but that is where the beauty of it lies. Think about it, when faced with a mathematical or scientific problem the easiest way to begin is to break the problem down into its basic or fundamental parts.
My first job if you like, was to try and begin to recognise when I am standing in these stages. It is more difficult than I had imagined it would be. For starters I don’t really think about my state of mind all the time, in fact I often actively try to ignore it. So it was rather like opening a can of worms. I tried to check in with myself often during the day just to see if I could feel which cooking pot I was in. Turns out that at first I could only recognise when I was boiling over. This makes a lot of sense when you think about it; It is a massive surge in emotion that you can’t help but recognise when it’s there. Pot one was quite tricky to nail down purely because I’m not often content. Instead I have come to see pot one as when I am feeling numb. So those are the two extremes recognised. Now how about the middle ones? In truth I am still working on recognising those. After talking to my therapist we have agreed that the main reason for this difficulty is that my emotions are rapidly fleeting. I can dip my toe into all of the pots numerous times in one day; sometimes even in an afternoon. That is the nature of the BPD beast sadly.
Anyway, have a go at it if you like and see how you get on.
Love to you all