Lets Talk About The Sadness That Follows A Nice Time

Hi all,

I hadn’t intended to write today but that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. Writing for me is usually reactionary rather than planned so on occasion you get a surprise post. Well, here it is.

What I want to talk about today is the after effects of a great day/event/weekend/add what you wish here; as someone with a mental health condition.

For most people life is full of ups and downs, that is the nature of life. I am a very lucky person and I have a wonderful, close circle of friends who I am fortunate to spend a lot of time with most weekends. I am at my happiest when I am with them. They understand my limitations without judgement, even when I am always judgemental of myself.

Yesterday I had the loveliest day. It wasn’t anything particularly special but I went into Birmingham with my pals for a day of cocktails and laughs. It was a long day as most of us went to have a spot of breakfast together before we left for the city.

It was a lovely day weather wise, sun-drenched and warm which always helps lift my mood. We went to places I have never been before, and although my hyper-vigilance and anxiety were very high at times, I always felt quite safe with the people who are always going to have my back. We ended the day with a curry nearer to home, and I came home happy and content.

So, after such a lovely time, why do I feel so sad and deflated today?

This isn’t an unusual occurrence for me. In fact it is very common. It is very common in a lot of people with mental health conditions so I’m told, so why? and why isn’t it talked about more?

I guess the first thing that enters my mind as a potential reason is waking up to a day where I am going to be alone. I love my own space, it isn’t a loneliness issue as such. Maybe it’s because I know that I won’t laugh as much today. Maybe I miss the connection with people that was in abundance a day prior?

I know that I am a person that lives for joy. My weekends bring me joy when I get to spend them with the people I love the most in the world apart from family. This way of living means that the week can be very long, and it is easy to just write those weekdays off because they feel somewhat inadequate. I am trying to find joy in other ways during the week so that I don’t have the massive fluctuations in my mood come Sunday.

The other reason for the post weekend comedown is my difficulty with object permanence. People with BPD including myself find that unless we are with people all the time, the minute we are away from the people we care about we start to think that those people don’t care about us anymore and we start looking for validation. This is a large problem for me and I spend a lot of time in therapy trying to unlearn this behaviour as well as understand the reasons why I do it. I don’t think I will ever be totally free of this behaviour but I hope to have a little more control of it before I say things that I will regret in the future.

If so many of us suffer from the post-weekend/nice time blues then why aren’t we talking about it more? There is nothing wrong with me because I miss the day before, so why can’t I talk about it? It doesn’t make me more needy does it? If anything it is a lovely thing to have people in my life who I love that much.

So today, I have had a little cry, and I am choosing to be gentle with myself while my mood is low, rather than getting annoyed with myself for having feelings.

Could you be gentler with yourself today too?

Sending all my love

Steph

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