I’ve been thinking about a topic I’d like to write about this week and I drew a total blank for the most part but then I remembered something I thought about briefly last Saturday and I realised that it is actually something that I think of often.
What I’m talking about is the feeling while around your favourite people when you almost seem to catch a glimpse of a millisecond of you all together from the outside; and in that moment you wish that you could slow time right down because you aren’t ready to let it go.
Does this feeling seem familiar to you?
If it does, know you aren’t alone. I’m sure that this feeling is common for most of us.
My BPD means that change is something that terrifies me, as does abandonment; and when you get older it becomes impossible to dodge. People live, they meet new people, they get married, have kids. Time just isn’t long enough to hold everyone to you the way it was when you were kids.
I know that when people started to move away from me it was difficult to manage. They haven’t moved far and I still see them often, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t get upset about it, or didn’t worry that a gap would open up between us. I worried a lot, Iost sleep. But most of all I felt out of control.
There was nothing I could do to change things, this was happening and I had two choices,
Or make damn sure I made the effort to keep us together, even when we couldn’t be together physically.
I chose the latter.
I see a lot on the internet, memes that say that if someone doesn’t message you first you shouldn’t message them at all. Or to stop messaging people to see if anyone else makes the effort to message you first.
This my friends is bullshit. Here’s why.
As described above, life is busy. There aren’t nearly enough hours in the day for socialising. In fact there’s barely time to do anything other than work, eat and defecate most of the time. Life is hard work most of the time, so why make it harder by isolating people you love, just because they are shit at messaging?
If I did that I would have nobody at all! They suck at messaging and making decisions but I love them more than anything in the world, and they love me (well tolerate me) so I just message them.
There just isn’t any time for regrets.