I didn’t feel like writing today. I haven’t felt like writing for a week. Do you ever have times like that, where even though you know it will probably be helpful, you avoid it anyway?.
I am having a prolonged period of depression right now. It hasn’t been this lengthy for quite some time, and no matter how many times I have been in this position, it always comes as an unwelcome surprise. No matter how familiar I am with the kinds of thoughts I am currently having, some of them still shock me.
I have started to do some clearing out of drawers and cupboards. I have so far in the last week organised my wardrobe by colour, packed away my winter clothes until I need them again and this morning I cleaned out my chest of drawers and got rid of all the stuff I I have, for whatever reason been hanging onto, even though there is zero reason to do so. Things for example like, a single shoe lace and a half burned candle that has lost its scent.
The urge to hold onto things is something I have to fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not and never will be a hoarder, but I do keep things that really don’t need to be kept. Things that don’t have any sentimental value, but things that I think may come in handy for some bizarre reason later on in my existence.
I’m positive that I am not alone in doing this, so why do we keep hold of stuff that means nothing? I’d love to know. Maybe somewhere it is rooted in a longing to make time stand still for a while? I could use that explanation for sentimental items like birthday cards and stuff; but a single shoelace? What’s the deal with that? There is certainly no nostalgia attached to that, no memory that I may have forgotten.
Maybe possessions like that are part of our need for control in our lives? It’s a stretch I guess but somewhere it does ring true for me. I guess when we open that drawer and look at all of those little trinkets and pointless objects we know that we have made the drawer like that, we have control over what sits in there like a time capsule. In a world with little personal control, such as the world we live in today, I can see how we might find solace in our cluttered drawers.
But on the reverse of that, it felt good to fill a bin bag with those possessions that – as Marie Kondo would say – don’t bring me joy. The de-cluttering process was therapeutic. After a slow start, looking at the sheer amount of stuff that was in there and feeling overwhelmed; I started to get into the process. Throwing miscellaneous objet d’art into its bag of oblivion was satisfying. I’ll be honest, I did worry that I would feel empty and rueful after the process of elimination was complete, but I didn’t. Instead I felt almost accomplished.
Maybe both of these ways of dealing with things are ok? Accumulating a drawer or two of junk fulfils our need to control, and the eventual purge of these items is a relinquishing of control when we are good and ready? Maybe. I’m certainly no psychiatrist.
Anyway folks I’ll be back soon, until then keep safe
Love to you all