Hi guys, another impromptu post from me because, well, I need to talk about something and I figured I could do it here.
Have you ever felt like there is nothing really wrong as such, other than the problems we create in our own minds, but yet still don’t feel right somehow? It’s not sadness, or anxiety, or depression, or any other of the multitude of things I usually feel. It’s just kind of flat. That’s the only way I can describe it really.
I am actively trying to avoid anything that may be a drama. I used to try and help in any way I could, but after nearly forty years of doing that I’ve finally realised that not everything is my responsibility or even my business. The trouble with always having been the peacemaker or quite often being in the middle of a drama, it is very hard to just stop doing it. Going cold-turkey with this issue has proved difficult but I have managed it quite well when it comes to other peoples drama. The thing I am in the must do better category with is not created my own drama, in my own mind.
I’m sure a lot of you will understand this. I will describe it anyway just for those that maybe haven’t experienced it personally. So, all of us know about overthinking; it is a devil of a thing that many of us do frequently. It is normal, I think, to consider the outcomes of certain events or situations. This of course includes good outcomes, but for over thinkers, more often than not the outcomes we consider are poor or negative outcomes.
I think of EVERY possible outcome. Bad or indifferent. I don’t mention good because I never think of the good outcomes; and there’s the rub. By never considering the possibility of a positive outcome, my brain just becomes a swamp of negativity. In the past this has led to missing out on entire events because my brain is convinced that something will go wrong and ruin it for me. This is irrational and I accept that completely, but hear me out.
In my past experiences, being overly/too cautious has protected me from harm or upset. This is a mechanism that my brain over the years has recognised and used for that purpose. Every time this mechanism works and I do happen to avoid an unpleasant situation it is validated and my brain strengthens the castle walls. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can’t blame my brain for protecting me, it has done its job over the years. I am very appreciative of it. The thing is that the negative experiences I have avoided are greatly outweighed by the positive experiences that I have missed out on; and that my friends is why I have felt the need to try harder to embrace experiences as much as I can, BUT, try to stay out of the way of drama that I really don’t need to be embroiled in.
I have to just keep reminding myself that I can challenge the assumptions I make in my thoughts; change the narrative to ‘What if that doesn’t happen?’ or ‘What if things go well?’ As always language is everything.
Hope you are all well