The Favourite


The favourite. BPD peeps will know this immediately. You thought of them instantly didn’t you? Let me guess, it either felt fluttery and beautiful, or like a boulder in the belly? I say this because I’ve never come across anyone who isn’t at either end of these extremes. 

When the BPD person has a favourite person it is rather like the way a lot of us see the world, it is either one extreme or the other, no grey areas. 

This person could be someone we love in a platonic way, or in a romantic way. Both of these can be hellish. 

We are switched to the favourite channel at all times. We crave consistency, but life often doesn’t work on a fixed schedule, times and places will change, meetings will be postponed or cancelled. There’s nothing we like much less than changes to routine.

If we get a lot of time with our favourite person, we become greedy for more, it’s not our fault, we just want to be around you as much as we can. We know this can be annoying, we know that having to provide almost constant reassurance is exhausting. We know how tiring it can be because we spend a lot of our time thinking about you. We want to make you happy. But it can feel suffocating. But we feel suffocated by our need for validation and reassurance.

People often don’t know that people with BPD are full to bursting with love to give. We get clobbered for manipulation and selfishness, but all too regularly that’s all that people see. 

One thing I guarantee to all of the people lucky enough to be someone’s favourite is simply this, there will be nobody in the world who could possibly love you more. Your peace of mind is theirs also. But please go gently. Be mindful of consistency, and treat them the way you would wish to be treated. That’s all I ask of you. 

Love to you all