I’m so ill right now it’s hard to process anything. I feel like everyone is betraying me. Paranoid delusions probably but I still feel them. I dont believe anything positive that comes out of anyone, I feel like I need to withdraw from everything again, leave them all behind. They are not my friends, they are my partners friends. They have no loyalty for me. They feel obliged to be there because of him. The black and white is incredibly distinct right now. I hate and love in different times, I feel distraught and elated all in one breath. I just want some kindness, some sanctuary. It is not there. It never was.